I had an epiphany recently, it was that I wanted to slow down and be domestic. For anyone who knows me it is something of a shock, and from my numerous blog posts about juggling my many jobs, I am sure it is not surprising. But it is not just that I want to shrug off some of my jobs or duties, no, it is more than that.
As I prepare to get married there is a lot I need to consider. I need to look at my spending habits and realize that my bank statement is not the only one affected by my shopping choices. I need to consider my cleanliness and household habits, because now I will be sharing a space with someone else. There is a lot I find myself trying to imagine.
(yes, I mostly think of decorating)
Much of it I really have to imagine the heck out of. I have never lived on my own, had roommates, bought my own groceries on a regular basis, nothing. Just about the only thing I do is, clean my bathroom, my room, my clothes, and provide for myself. I pay my car payment, my cell bill, and excursions. I don’t have to worry about anyone else (don’t be too frightened, I am not THATsheltered).
But with each passing month that Jacob and I prepare for our wedding, I find myself excited and nervous for what waits ahead. I will move out of my parents house and take on loads I have never had to before. It both scares the shit out of me and excites me. Yet the thing that amazes me most, is that I want to be domestic.
I would like to take a moment to apologize to all my friends that I so harshly judged when they told me they were quitting everything they had worked for to become a stay at home mom, because I did not know.
When I was younger, in my early twenties, I thought it would be better to die than to be one of those domestic housewives that stayed at home all day and cleaned the house, cooked for your husband and waited on the children. Now, as I face the start of my marriage I pray so fervently that I may be something similar.
For me, the idea of domestic bliss is this:
A world in which I would only have two jobs that I would run between (ideally one of the two would be a wonderful work from home set up), a life with a flexible schedule that will allow me to be home with my kids if necessary. I want to be able to keep my house clean, and prepare meals with my husband (please note WITH,not for). I want to curl up on the coach in the evening and watch TV, or read, with my husband.
It is funny how a few years of life can change your mind-set. I no longer feel like I am going against feminism. I still want to work, but who the heck says I need to be working so much? I think I have proven to myself (first and most important), my family, and society that I AM WONDER WOMAN now at 25 I would like to hang my cape up. I promise to take it up 4 out of the 7 days of the week, but I really don’t need the 24/7 gig anymore.
I would like to take part in a little bit of the known idea of domestic bliss, because really, we only have this one life to live, I don’t want to remember it all as just working my ass off. I would like to enjoy a little of the process.
So today, I am going to enjoy the process. Each step today brings me closer to the end goal. At least that is what I will keep telling myself until it is true.
**P for Pocket Owl Press**