Life Under Construction

Well, well, well. We find ourselves at the same crossroads. The “where have you been?” and “what have you been doing” point in my blogging.

I was doing pretty well there after I had E about finding moments in my day to blog. Granted, it had been easier then. I was just at home, managing a colic baby and not working. Then I went back to work the first week of November and I had to figure out how to balance a baby, being a wife, and working. I should consider myself blessed because I was able to go back to work part-time, so that made life a lot easier. I was able to work 3 days a week, and spend the other time home with E.

Unfortunately what I found as the months slowly ticked away, was I felt even more lost and incomplete.

I was happy to be back at work. A reprieve from the constant needs of my son, but it wasn’t the same. Because I returned part-time, I had to give up my position. And before you feel the injustice for me, it was something I knew. The role I had needs to be full-time. It really won’t work for someone to do it 24 hours a week, so Jacob and I made the joint decision to put E first and our family first before a career I didn’t feel was moving me forward.

What I found though, was that it is hard to step back from something you had control over. I felt like I was floating in a sea of uncertainty again. I was being a great mom but showing up to a job that seemed like it didn’t have a place for me. I love how supportive my management team was of me, they tried whenever possible to assure me that I was still wanted in the workforce, but something inside just didn’t feel right.

After a few months of this, Jacob and I sat down and discussed again where we are at, and in April we decided to try our hand at me being a stay-at-home mom. Since April I have been on a leave from work and focusing on me, my son, and my husband, and it has been like a slow fog lifting over everything.

It has been hard to accept this change in my life. I am a woman who has always been working or going to school. Basically always busy. I mean, I still am, but in a different way.

I am not giving up on my dreams and my growth, just trying to realign what that means now.

So like always, sorry I went MIA, but I was/am living a life under construction, but I promise. These renovations are worth it, and I am back on this wagon.

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On that note, if you start to see my blog change, please be patient. I am going through and streamlining things. Making this more about where I am now, and not where I was. Because as I am learning, I can’t be everything to everyone, I can only be me in this moment.

 

 

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