I have been off work three weeks for maternity leave now. Each day that passes by I walk past our laptop and look at it. I debate pulling it out and writing. I think of all the things I want to say, but they sound like cliche and emotional word vomit in my head, so I pass the laptop and pick up some laundry to fold instead.
I wish I could say this has just been the issue the last three weeks, but as you can see from my last post in September of last year, that’s probably not the truth.
What is closer to the truth is this – I seem to have lost my ability to write.
Trust me, I have read enough from writers talking about how writing is just as much an exercise and practice as anything in life. You cannot get better without actually using those muscles and working them out.
But I am going to be honest, these writing muscles, they have atrophied. There isn’t much going on there. The cylinders aren’t firing the way they used to.
It could be because after the year my husband and I had in 2017, it just didn’t seem like there was anything left to share. I found that I could only look inward and reflect on the people we had lost and the memories we had left. At this same point, my work became a little insane too. Demanding more of my time and energy and leaving me with less mind-space to play and explore. This combo was not good for me. Oh, and add to that I became pregnant with our second child during the worst cold and flu season ever.
Needless to say I was a mess.
But just as every season changes, and the earth continues to rotate on it’s axis, I too continue to exist. So I am here, forcing myself to try and get some writing out, and try and get back to where I was before, because to be frank, I kind of miss the pounding of the keys and the sharing of stories. I am tired of just reading about other people’s experiences and thoughts and dreams, and want to get back to sharing mine.
So friends, if you’re still here and following, be patient with me as I learn to move these old muscles again.
I will probably play with the blog format again. Attempt to add some more details and stories about our family and flush out what the heck is going on in this space. I will probably also archive most of my previous posts, because in a weird way I feel like they don’t accurately represent who I am in the moment, and that’s okay.
If you have any questions, or want to hear more about anything going on, feel free to leave a comment and I will try and answer as best I can.
Until next time,